Monday, 16 July 2012
After Friday's run I felt like hell and could feel my heart beating double-quick in the middle of the night. Saturday I'd promised Peter I'd run him and some paint around and that was the end of my usefulness for the day. Amanda and Scott and Alison turned up with some cake in the evening which was really nice of them. But they caught me out sloping around the house in a state of disorder.
The cardiac event monitor thingy started bleeping at me half way through Saturday and I could find no way to get it to stop so in the end took the damn thing off. There was plenty on it anyway, or I think so anyway. I handed it in today and whoever it was that I handed it into had a look on a computer to see what we'd got and asked me if a. I was feeling okay and b. told me not to push it and probably not to run. I knew that anyway but its scarey being told it.
Anyway, yesterday Peter coaxed me out for a walk. I didn't really want to go. I wanted to go outside so my day wouldn't be too long but I didn't really want to see anyone or to speak. I really haven't got my head around all this shit and I don't know what I think about it myself. The monitor thing stopping working made me feel terrible because I thought its going to be even longer til I get this thing sorted out...but then I think do I need to rely so heavily on what the medical people say? They have not much in the way of answers for me about why this has happened or what I can do to help myself. Not that I don't appreciate what they can offer but its limited.
I won't say it was good going out for a walk but we saw some nice things. The sun even came out for a while. On the drive on the way home I didn't feel awful, which cheered me up. If you ever get ill and you're worried about it don't for god's sake Google it too much or for too long. There are forums full of people and their angry story of how everything went wrong for them and everybody let them down.
Down at Aberlady which we like so much there were tiny frogs - or toads? And these amazing black and red moths - which apparently are "common" but we hadn't seen them before. We took a back path over into Gullane past the huge houses. I like pretending their mine. Childish I know.