End o Year round up

 I have been sitting on my arse sorting through photos for so long that I don't know if I have the patience for this, but we'll see what we can do. I thought I'd pick just one photo from each month in order to have not too long a blog and not too many pictures, but that has proved impossible.

As I've been learning Spanish all year then I'm going to give you month headings in Spanish.

ENERO

January we were back in deep lock-down. Didn't go anywhere. Trabaja en casa. It was okay I guess. Never the cheeriest time of year. I stopped going into the office altogether and I think spent so long in the one position that my shoulder froze. I didn't think it had frozen particularly, I just thought it was sore, and that I was being unusually sensible in not annoying it. I often can't leave an injury alone but I made a conscious effort to with this one, which was probably a mistake. Your older person's shoulder freezes and it also happens when people have had their arms in a cast so the immobility was probably a part of it. Since if I can run I'm not that bothered about most other things I didn't sweat it or even really notice it went on for such a long time.

FEBRERO

I think this is when I went out with my good new camera Panasonic FZ330, and got such good results that it pushed Peter into buying an even better camera. I can't bring myself to run around with great big heavy cameras however so most of my photos are still taken on either the Panasonic Lumix TZ70 if you're lucky or with my Canon Ixus most likely because it is wonderfully slim and light and usually gives you at least an idea of what was going on!

It was quite grim working from home. This was the phone I was working from most of the time throughout the pandemic.

and that's what I did the lion's share of my work with. There was an on-line video portal also but for some reason it was really poor quality - nothing like as good as Skype or Zoom - so it only really worked for people who had very good equipment and internet. Many of the people I saw didn't have that, so it wasn't available.

MARZO

March - still in lock-down. I did only local runs. Some people sneaked a wee bit further and with good justification because actually being in town you were much more likely to come into close proximity with many more people than if you took to the hills or went  along the coast, but being a public servant I stuck to the letter of the law.

ABRIL

April - it was still all still going on. I had what now seems like a fateful on-line meeting with my boss. It's a long story and a boring one and a story about numbers but anyway I had a meeting with my boss where he suggested based on some numbers he didn't understand generated by people who have never met me and don't know what I do that I wasn't doing enough. I knew I was actually doing the most of anyone in the team. My boss was not a bad person and when he got a 'strong reaction' from me he went away and looked at what I was telling him and apologised unreservedly, - but it set something in motion for me. It was the last straw.

There's something about working in a big organisation where you know you are just a number and you get treated as exactly that. It grinds you down. I had accepted it up to this point because I actually thought I had to. It's nice to get a regular wage but you also get a fair amount of shit to just swallow down. During this time I had a deep look into the rules of my pension and realised for the very first time that I could take early retirement from my 55th birthday - at a big cut, obviously, but I had previously never understood that this was even an option. At first I thought this maybe wasn't sensible but it worked away at me in the dark. I tried and tried and tried to get some hard numbers about how much money I would get if I left, but I never got an answer until the 1st November - so I had to make my decision largely in the dark.

In the mean-time, at the end of April, there was a fire in my building and I had to go out the window in a cherry picker. The two scenarios, while being unrelated - as far as I know - went together in my head and became this thought - you can die any day - do you really want to be working for fucktards when you die? I thought not. I thought I do not want that. I would rather work purely for myself.

MAYO

So by May we were allowed out and about more. I hadn't 100% made up my mind about leaving my job although looking back on it, there wasn't much to decide. I'd had my own business doing counselling since 2015 after finishing my Masters in 2014. I'd deliberately kept it small and as stress-free as possible and it had gone really very smoothly since then. I had never wanted to lean on it as a main source of income - but the obvious thing was to just increase that and leave my NHS job.

Mean-time for whatever reason - maybe it was stress, maybe it was my age, maybe it was the hot summer or maybe it was my sore shoulder, I wasn't sleeping well and was tired all the time. I was getting maybe 3-5 hours a night. There's been a lot of talk about people having insomnia during the pandemic but I've never heard anything more concrete about it - like why - what was going on with people? I wasn't consciously worrying about things but would be awake for hours every night. It was boring. I tried a lot of things.

I tried yoga for sleep problems but I couldn't do most of the exercises because of my shoulder.

I tried Paul McKenna's hypnosis for sleep program - but I didn't find it really worked. I tried a number of different hypnotic things actually - but they didn't make much difference and were irritating.

I tried white-noise head-phones and those black things you put on your eyes, but none of it got me away into a proper sleep. I tried Jujube extract which made not a jot of difference.

JUNIO

By the look of things June was hot. I still had a sore shoulder. I still wasn't sleeping. I was always trying to increase my mileage but my feet would start hurting from anything over 10 miles or so. I tried various things for that like calf lifts and hydrating more but I couldn't crack it. Peter took the piss which annoyed me.

JULIO

By the look of things July was also hot! I tried some postural exercises out of a book by Pete Egoscue to try to fix my shoulder. I handed in my application to retire. I also reduced my hours at work. I still wasn't sleeping. I tried swimming but I couldn't swim properly. I had a week's holiday so we went through to see my sister in Tayvallich. That was really good fun and it was good to get away. We hadn't been much further than Gullane really - or I hadn't - since the first lock-down in March 2020 when I got back from Sheffield. I'd hardly seen anyone else apart from Peter, people from work, and Nick. Suddenly I was with family again. My nephew Donald couldn't believe how similar me and his mum were in our thoughts about things. It was great comparing notes. Since early adulthood my sister and I's  thoughts have tended to move along parallel lines and they had continued to do so.

AGOSTO

I gave Pete Egoscue a good go but my shoulder was still sore and not working. My whole arm was aching sometimes in bed and one Saturday night towards the end of August I booked myself on-line to see a physio. By this time I had figured out myself from much googling that it was a frozen shoulder and I knew that they can last for 18 months and just resolve or sometimes never resolve. I wanted to be able to swim again! And I was sick of it being so sore.

I went and saw Lianne Brunton at Balanced Edinburgh and she told me my options.including hydrodilatation which was likely to be the quickest and the most successful although a bit expensive. I hummed and hawed a wee bit because money - but then went for it. Let's skip to September. I can't remember August. It was hot. I didn't sleep very well. I was keeping on keeping on at work and trying not be THAT person and do my job with a good grace whilst really wanting the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

SEPTIEMBRE

Yup looks like it was hot again. I got the hydro Mc what's it called thing done about the middle of September and then oh my God maybe it was the temperature drop but also maybe it was the cortisone but I started to sleep well and I started to get the use of my arm back. I had to do some VERY  painful exercises to get the ROM back in my shoulder - really to bust through the remaining scar tissue - but I did it like a boss.

OCTUBRE

Still trying to keep the head at work. I was sleeping better and running better - until in another of these turns of fate I really injured something in my bum/hip/back one day. I'd been doing what sweary people might call a shit-ton of paper-work, getting ready to leave my post and tie up all the loose ends. Nothing happened but one day I went out running and my right hip felt very stiff but I assumed it would ease off if I warmed up gently - and I really did warm up gently, but 3 miles into the run it became properly injury grade oh fuck it sore. It was October 26th, and I was so near to retirement day! Thank goodness I never booked a holiday. I had thought about it. It was so bad I couldn't even walk properly for a good few weeks, but thank goodness I could cycle, so I did much more of that than usual.

NOVIEMBRE

Retirement day. Retirement Cake.

I asked Donald Macrae at club what to do about my bum/hip/back and he gave me a set of strengthening exercises for all the muscles of the hip - he had a good perspective saying it could be this or it could be that but really the thing to do was give it a chance to heal and strengthen all the muscles so if it was caused by an imbalance that would take care of it. I was frustrated not to be able to run and worried in case it would turn ino something permanent but also happy to spend some time on my bikes and to get myself swimming again, which would surely be good for my still improving shoulder.

November's exercise was mostly swimming, cycling and hanging around in graveyards with Peter - who had made the switch from butterflies to birds. Swimming was sore at first but very quickly my back and shoulder got stronger again and I think it has been very good rehab. 

As far as work went, I set up an extra day of private clients and it just fell easily into place, which is great.

DICIEMBRE

So here we are at the end of the year. My running has been coming back. I had the best run in 2 months just today - no pain, just a fair bit of inertia because I'm not used to it. I've still been swimming and cycling. We went back through to Tayvallich to see my sister and her family for Xmas and I drank more in a few days than I have all year. It was good fun. We had Radiohead singing, whisky tasting, 3 hour dog walks in the long bracken and much talking. This has been a very eventful year in that I had no idea in January that things would be really different by the end of the year. I feel like I've been busted out of prison and I'm still pinching myself. I'm also a bit surprised to find I'm 55. How did that happen? I'd been too busy to pay much attention. I've been letting all the dye grow out of my hair because it's years since I've let it just go au natural and I'm genuinely curious to see what emerges.

I haven't thought too far ahead so I haven't got any New Year resolutions but I'd really like to be able to continue to run and swim and cycle. I'd love to see if I could get under 4 hours for the Edinburgh Marathon which I've got a postponed place in since I signed up for 2020 and it was cancelled.

The next thing is we're supposed to be going to Tenerfie at the end of January so finger's crossed for no further lock-downs and me figuring out what tests we need and when and how to get them.

I've been reading this book about muscular problems by John Sarno, which I want to tell you about, but it'll have to wait for another time because yo estoy cansadisima.

Phew. Made it. Happy New Year when it comes.