Sunday, 23 October 2016

Low light, long shadows and falling leaves.

Lyme boy seems to be getting better. Thanks goodness. The photos above are from last weekend. We never got going until the afternoon and enjoyed a run in the late afternoon sunshine. Unfortunately the coffee I had at 4pm worked its stimulating magic until 2am, so I was a bit tired the next day.

We went out for an 11 miler yesterday. It was cooler and the light was more blue-grey. Setting off down the Archerfield road, leaves were falling silently from the trees. Neither of us had much oomph but it was good to get out. The tide was a good way out so we could run below the rocks on the sand.

On the last stretch back to Gullane we were hailed by a cyclist - who turned out to be Peter's brother Neil. He's just finished an intensive spell at work and was finally getting out on the bike.

I am driving myself crazy today, trying to ready a book on anxiety disorders and finding it impossible to keep my eyes open. Just how in the hell am I supposed to read a book if I can't stay awake? Eh? Eh?
It's potentially interesting. It should be interesting. I've got all the disorders in the book. Obsessive compulsive? Did I lock the door? Did I put the cooker off? Will the street be a sea of fire-engines when I get home?
Social Anxiety. I meet people and I think thus. "There's spinach on my teeth isn't there? Why are they wrinkling up their noses? Do I smell of onions? Are they judging my moustache?"
Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Worry and the secondary worry about worry. Am I worrying too much? Will that make me ill? If I get ill, who will drive Peter around in the van?

Not quite enough anxiety left over to keep me awake though.

I was hoping to do a lot of studying today but we're stalled at 12 pages and that'll have to do for today.

There's one great cure for anxiety that I know but I can't recommend to punters. Perspective. Go climbing and scare the living daylights out of yourself and all your worries disappear. It's simple. Or go swimming in the sea in the winter and all the other stuff just floats off.

Childish thought for the day. The only thing that is keeping me going with this course is if I don't finish it I might have to pay the £3,500 tuition fees. There are a thousand good work-related reasons why I should be doing it, which is why I am doing it - but I wish I wasn't doing it. It's too short ago since I was last studying and I'm absolutely sick of it. I hope I win the lottery. £100,000 would do. If I did, I would stop the course immediately. Immediately. And happily pay the tuition fees back. I would not spend one more moment on it.

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